Huge mistake.

What to do when you do a huge mistake? God, it's difficult to even accept you've done it! It's your fault and you know it. There is no one else to blame but you. You apologize and try to make it right. Will it be enough?

So many things happening and you don't know where to start. So many questions you don't know the answer and you don't know which ones to ask. So many doubts in your head and you don't know where your head is anymore.

You go in, out, above and under, through it and beside it and never seems to be the end (new beginning) of it.


What to do when you are alone and everybody is staring at you?
Close your eyes. You breath very deep. You open your eyes. Everything is the same. the same people staring at you with the same look. Expectations are still high, just where they were when you first left them. And you? You still the same. That moment when you dug into yourself with that deep breath, didn't change a thing. Unfortunately, people still stare at you and stare at them back. The atmosphere is breath taking. They are watching every eye blink you do. They are counting every breath you take or every nervous hand squeeze you do. A sweat drop starts falling off your forehead. It burns you and it freezes you with every millimeter it travels all the way near to your cheek. You try to get rid of it, but the crow is watching. They are looking at you and you just stand there. Suddenly, with calm yet as fast as you can, you swipe that drop off your face! And that's when all of those people change the look on their faces. You feel desperate because you can't move anymore. that fast movement took all of your energy, and it blew up everything! Now the people are staring at you with killing eyes, blaming looks, and don't even know the struggle you are into. They don't know anything. They just know your name, and for them, that's all they need. Your name. They will never forget. You have been marked with their idea of who you are. They didn't even let you try. Or maybe they did and you were frozen to death with the crow surrounding you. That's when you realize that you should had moved at the beginning. That you should had act to actually justify all of those looks the people were giving to you. That you should had done something. That you should had walk away. That you should screamed out loud "This is me! Beware!".
All of those ideas that now cross into your mind, should came up sooner. But no. They have a certain time to appear. They are called "What if"'s. They only come when you are down, and desperate, and when you don't see a way out from that whole you just dug.

What if.
What if
What if
What if

This is up to you. This is the moment when you came down to earth from that cloud of yours, where you used to stare at other people to. Just watching and judging. You now start to think what to do next. You don't want to move! You don't even want to breathe! You just want to wake up from that (un)reality and move on! Like nothing ever happened. How to do that? You are completely screwed up, seriously damage from that sweat drop scene, that you don't want to feel nothing ever again.

You want to go back. You want to stay. You want to live. You want to vanish.
Questions.
Life is this. Life is what you make of it. Life is hard as a diamond and beautiful ans one too.
You want to change. You don't want to stay. You want to find love and passion.


I know where they are. Now please crowd, would you let me go get them?